THE PAPER is complete!

I turned it in yesterday. Now I await/hope for a letter informing me that I passed and that I can officially graduate.

After I deposited THE PAPER at the graduate office, I bought a bag of Doritos and a Pepsi. I have no idea why. Probably had something to do with editing a 30-page manuscript as Palatino Linotype seared my eyes while trying to eat lunch unsuccessfully while a 2 1/2 year old sat in my lap asking me to read Clifford.

There was something peaceful about sitting on a bench, staring blankly at the trees, with the fizz of nacho cheese and sweet Pepsi on my tongue.

I thought about the first days of my master’s program, wandering lost around campus in 105 degree heat. Not pregnant, not even trying yet.

I thought about the weekly booze fest at Crown & Anchor.

I thought about one weekly booze fest when I worried my friends would notice that I wasn’t guzzling five gin & tonics…because I wasn’t ready to tell anyone.

I thought about waddling to evening classes with my first and second pregnant belly.

I thought about attending evening class with a newborn at home, especially when I forgot to wear a nursing pad and hoped to God that I didn’t have two wet patches on my shirt by the end of class.

I thought about how I wanted to quit because I thought I didn’t want to be a teacher, when really I was just scared to leave Makenna for four months to student teach.

I thought about the first day I dropped off Makenna in daycare so I could start student teaching, how she held out her little 17-month-old arms and cried MAMAAAAAAAAAAA!

I thought about how I drove directly to my parents’ house after that, crying MAMAAAAAAAAAAA! as my mom hugged me and reminded me that I had to finish what I started.

Until yesterday, I never stopped to really think about an obvious fact — I was simultaneously a mother AND a graduate student. For the past four years I have been timing classes around motherhood and timing studying around children. My life as a new mother has been intertwined with coursework. This is the first time in four years that I don’t have to think about school. Hot damn, that feels good!

At this moment, I really don’t want to be in school ever again. Just say NO to a PhD! Unless, of course, I can write a dissertation about the complexities and character nuances of Michael Scott.